Keep Oppo Offended

"Takuro Spirit" (takurospirit)
06/25/2014 at 18:13 • Filed to: None

Some jokes I saw on !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . First one is auto related so it kinda belongs here.

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I did not make any of them up so if you're easily offended, please do not read them and then leave hateful comments toward me.

If not, ENJOY!

1_What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer? I give a fuck when my computer crashes.

2_My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.

3_What do you call a five year old with no friends? A sandy hook survivor.

4_Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, but Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast.

5_What's the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

6_What's got 5 arms, 3 legs and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

7_What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.

8_How do Ethiopians celebrate their kids first birthday? By putting flowers on the grave.

9_How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.

10_How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.

11_Why do Mexicans never have Sex Ed. and Driver's Ed. on the same day? They have to give the donkey a break at some point.

12_Feminism

13_So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back… Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

14_Most black 15 year-olds in this country are decent, law abiding citizens. It's their kids who cause all the trouble.

15_How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.

16_What is a pedophiles favorite part about Halloween? Free delivery.

17_So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster… Now it doesn't work.

18_How do you kill a redneck? Wait 'till he fucks his sister then cut the brakes on his house.

19_What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer? Freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

20_What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing you already done told her twice.

21_How do you fit 4 queers on a barstool? Flip it upside-down.

22_Why do Jews have big noses? Because air is free.

23_What happened when the jew walked into the wall with a hard-on? He broke his nose.

24_How long does it take for a black woman to take a shit? Nine months.

25_How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altarboy.

26_What do you call 40 mexicans buried up to their neck in sand? A spicket fence.

27_How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None,they just sit in the dark and bitch.

28_Did you hear about the two car pile up in Mexico? 200 Mexicans died.

29_What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A pedophile.

30_What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the First Period.

31_How do you swat 200 flies at one time? Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.

32_What is a redneck virgin? A seven year old that can run faster than her brothers.

33_How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? One, she just holds the bulb to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her.

34_Girls are like blackjack… I'm trying to go for 21 but I always hit on 14.

35_Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand up.

36_Did you hear the Score of the Egypt vs Ethiopia soccer game? Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't.

37_How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? They don't. They arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.

38_What's 9 inches long, pink, and makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth? Her miscarriage.

39_A Jew, a black, and a Muslim are on a frozen lake, not talking to each other, so I thought I would go over there and break the ice.

40_What's difference between dollars and Jews? I'd give a shit if I lost 6 million dollars.

41_How does a black woman know she is pregnant? When she pulls her tampon out the cotton is already picked.

42_Whats the difference between George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin? Zimmerman knew how to dodge a bullet.

43_One time I fucked this chick so hard, she almost came back to life

44_I don't understand why Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass. I mean,I know he's black and all, but I doubt he'll shoot anyone.

45_What's the difference between a Jew and harry potter? Harry can escape the chamber.

46_What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do? Wrong.

47_Whats the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? A hockey player showers after 3 periods.

48_What's the difference between cancer and Black people? Cancer got Jobs.

49_What do Sarah Palin and Iron Man have in common? They both had a downey jr inside of them.

50_What's a word that white people can call white people, but black people can't call black people? Dad.

DISCUSSION (14)

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > Takuro Spirit
06/25/2014 at 18:18

Oh my god.

SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman > Takuro Spirit
06/25/2014 at 18:20

I'm offended that I'm not offended

AM3R > Takuro Spirit
06/25/2014 at 18:20

hahahaha

Makoyouidiot > Takuro Spirit
06/25/2014 at 18:21

Um. Wow.

PatBateman > SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman
06/25/2014 at 18:27

I'm offended that you're offended that you're not offended.

Very offensive.

EL_ULY > Takuro Spirit
06/25/2014 at 18:28

LOL fuckin awful :]

McLarry > Takuro Spirit
06/25/2014 at 18:29

Wow. Terrible.

totally going to use some of these...

Blondude > Takuro Spirit
06/25/2014 at 18:30

Don't show #12 to the Jezzies.

EDIT: And #15 and #33 for that matter.

heliochrome85 > SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman
06/25/2014 at 18:43

the jokes were not terribly funny if we're honest.

Garrett Davis > Takuro Spirit
06/25/2014 at 18:45

#2 and #49 made me laugh. Hard.

Bricks > Takuro Spirit
06/25/2014 at 18:49

these are good, I am struggling to say anything creative because my brain is currently stay puft mashmallow, but these are good.

SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman > PatBateman
06/25/2014 at 19:11

DAMN SON

AthomSfere > heliochrome85
06/25/2014 at 19:49

My thoughts exactly, more offensive than anything but even at that... Blatant stereotyping without any real substance. puh-retty disappointed at them really.

505Turbeaux > Takuro Spirit
06/26/2014 at 08:21

I needed that this morning before I actually start pissing people off